On New Years Day my sister called me with the devastating news that the amazing Natalie Cole had laid on up and died. Most mainstream headlines dubbed her as just Nat King Cole’s daughter. She was soooo much more than that. She was a diva, a songtress with a mega voice who could sing gospel, soul an jazz effortlessly. She was a survivor who battled addiction early in her career and came back even better. In short she was everything!
To say we were devastated is an understatement! Lawd!! Why Natalie Jesus why!! All I could think about was all of the singers the Lawd could have taken instead of Natalie. So many Jesus so many.
Me: He coulda took Alicia Keys! Not Natalie!
Courtney: He coulda took Dottie Peoples! Cause she keep singing songs out the National Baptist Hynmal, givin em new names and trying to trick people into thinking its a new song lol.
My sister reminded me of Lexie’s video “Things Black People say a funerals” where she says “Take Bob Barker Jesus…”
And the list was born. We know it’s wrong but we don’t care we just want Natalie back! We enlisted the help of our friends and these are the people we are sending on to be with the Lawd instead of Natalie Cole.
1. Dottie Peoples- Chile she hasn’t had a good song since Church Folk LOL! And that song Back To the Old Church pisses me off every time. I think I’m getting a new song and then she busts out into a medley of hymns. Just label it a medley of hymns and I wouldn’t be so mad
“Yalll goin Str8 to hell sending gospel folks outta here!! LMBO!!”
2. Jordin Sparks- Jordin Sparks! He coulda took Jordin Sparks! Everytime I watch Sparkle I get angry!
3. Rhianna- Any “singer” who only excels at looking good without actually sing can go!
4. Ciara- Refer to number 3
5. Brandy- I remember when somebody had the nerve to say Brandy out sang Monica. Chile please show me the receipts!! The only person Brandy could out sing is…hell Rhianna and Ciara lol
“Hell, I can mumble down in my lower register too! Give me a Grammy!”
6. Kandi Burress- Yes Kandi coulda wrote bout 10 more songs and then went
7. John Legend
8. Keyshia Cole- We hate to send a fellow Bay Area native but yeah…
9. Estelle- He could have taken Estelle and brought Amy Winehouse back
10. Alicia Keys- He could have taken Alicia Keys and brought back Natalie AND her songwriting piano playing husband Marvin Yancy. He sho could play that piano! Bring him back just for the intro to This Will Be alone!
11. Mary J Blige- Because we hate happy Mary.
12. K Michelle
13. Fatin from Kindred- I’d hate to leave Aja as a widow but he coulda took the husband from Kindred! Lmao she be sangin so good then here he come yellin…ummmm sir??
14. Trey Songz
15. Rance Allen- Him and his whole group can go
16. Bobby Brown
17. Beyonce- Yes the Bey-Hive complained but you listen to This Will Be or I Got Love on My Mind then listen to Partition and then get back to me. We are talking about SANGERS!
“Whoever mentions Queen Creole of the Bedazzled Onesie on this list WILL get voodoo hexed today. Just sayin. Don’t try it!!!! #Beyhive”
18. Bebe Winans- I mean there are quite a few gospel folks that can just go on into their heavenly reward. Cause he coulda took Bebe Winans. He coulda took Bebe and left Natalie and brought Whitney back
People I reserved the right to veto off of this list
Fantasia- Fantasia kills songs dead for no damn reason. She stays forever!
Karen Clark-Sheard- What the hell are you thinking?! No member of The Clark Sisters will ever go!! They will live forever like Cicely Tyson! #blackdontcrack
R&B Divas- While there are a few nameless divas that can go right on outta here the core of the cast is entirely too solid. Aint no way in the world you gon keep Beyonce and Brandy but kick out Kelly Price, Faith Evans, Angie Stone, Keke Wyatt, Syleena Johnson, Chrisette Michelle, Leelah James OR Chante Moore. To insinuate as much means you hate soul music AND you smoke crack. lol
Rest In Peace anyway Natalie! You were truly an Unforgettable lady and legendary voice!!