The Haves and the Have Nots Recap: Season 5, Episode 1

Last night was the season premiere of Tyler Perry’s The Haves and the Have Nots on OWN and I was way too excited. I couldn’t wait to see what fuckery the Cryer’s, Harrington’s and Young’s were getting into or getting out of. Someone said to me, “But Carolyn you hate all things Tyler Perry.” Nooo my brotha. I have consistently maintained that HAHN is the show Tyler Perry was born to write. A dramatic nighttime soap opera with bad acting, terrible sets and even worst special effects. I love it!

We pick up the story exactly where we left it last season. Candace and Jeffrey are splattered with blood after Jeffrey went off on Quincy and stabbed him to death. They try to gather themselves and decide what to do. The both decide they have to make some sort of move and FAST. They both jump up and apparently those class differences kicked in because Candace went to move the body and Jeffery runs to the phone and calls the cops. What??!! Nooooooo! Candace points out how naïve he is and then gives him a quick bit of Survival 101 mixed I with Legal Eagle 205 explaining to him that the police would throw both of their asses in jail. He is certain that Jim Cryer would never let that happen. Has he met Jim? Oh that’s right he has no idea that Jim left his own son to get assaulted in prison. He also has no idea that his mother, Veronica, was the reason Wyatt got assaulted. He DOES know that his mother is a psychopath and Candace’s reminder of this was all it took for him to put the phone down.

Meanwhile, Catherine and Veronica are in the women’s wing of the jail being booked after their arrest at Jim’s press conference. This had to have been the funniest scene of the episode. The intake officer orders both women to take of anything of values and of course they resisted. Eventually they give up their jewelry and phones. Then the most hilarious thing happened. Why did the officer ask Veronica to take off her wig?? Bwahahaha! Veronica looks at her incredulously and ask her what does she mean. Catherine is totally baffled and says “That’s her hair!” Both the officer and Veronica look at her like chile are you that stupid! The officer looks back at Veronica, unfazed, and repeats her demand. Veronica sticks her nose up in the air still with a sheepish look on her face and takes off the wig revealing a head of cornrows. Catherine is gap mouthed and amazed.

veronica cornrows


DA Jennifer Sallison is looking for Jeffrey to get his statement on the hit and run. Apparently Wyatt brokered the deal without Jeffrey’s knowledge. She is calling but of course he isn’t answering the phone he’s at Candace’s place still freaking out. The DA heads off to meet with Wyatt. She instructs the CO to prolong the booking process to give her time to make her case with Jeffrey.

Maggie is just now making it in from the press conference. She and Landon are busy trying to handle the press frenzy. It’s obvious from jump that this chick is going to spend this season riding off the rails going Fatal Attraction over David. Landon suggests that they close up shop because the campaign is clearly done but Maggie is insistent that she will distance David from the mess and he will still be governor. Then she gets that Hand that Rocks the Cradle look in her eye and boldly proclaims that she will sweep him to governor and even President! Say what now lady? In addition, she doesn’t want to just throw the Cryers under the bus, she wants to plat a story on Veronica too. She intends to leak the pictures of Veronica and Benny. She has concocted a super plan to get David in the Governor’s mansion and have him all to herself. She finally admits that she wants him and he deserves a good woman. A good woman that would tear down his wife to get him? Well I mean it’s not like Veronica is above destroying other people. I just hope the Harrington’s don’t have a rabbit.

Over in the men’s wing of the jail, David and Jim are arguing about who’s at fault for their jail stay. As if any one person is at fault. David says it’s Wyatt. Jim says it’s Veronica. Jim vaguely threatens that he is going to handle Veronica since David can’t seem to. The only time that David seems to have an inch of gumption is when someone challenges how he caters to his psychotic wife. In theory that’s great. You stick up for your wife and don’t let anybody “handle” her. But Dear God man can you stop threatening to “be an enemy the likes of which you have ever seen” to other people and finally stand up to her before someone literally gets killed?

Hannah is in a hotel with Little Quincy after his father burned down her house last season. Benny calls her and pleads her to him com get them. She gives him the same speech she always does about Candace being a liar and how he always falls for the lies. He gives her the same clueless ass Benny responds about trusting his sister. I wish yall understood how much Benny gets on my nerves. He is entirely too clueless ALL the time. Apparently, Hannah is tired of him being clueless too. Anywhoo, Benny almost blows the conversation by telling her he has been talking to a lawyer friend. No question that it’s Veronica and Hannah blows up at his dumb ass again. But she hears him out and he says that the deeds to the garage are free and clear. He can use it to make money so they can get on their feet. Yall know Hannah wasn’t having any part of that! She refused to be involved with a business bought with Candace’s dirty money. Benny will have to go this one alone.

Candace and Jeffrey are still trying to handle Quincy. Jeffrey has finally got through his head that the police aren’t an option but is having a full on crying fit. He refuses to help get rid of the body. Candace being Candace says she do it her damn self but no girl you aint moving that big ass body alone. Instead they end up in the shower. I guess that was the only way to call Jeffrey down. I just wonder what the hell happened in that shower? They both came out hella calm and ready to get to work but not so fast. The police are outside.

The crowning moment of this episode has to go to Catherine. She and Veronica are in a heated exchange where Veronica demands she become Catherine’s lawyer. All the while Catherine is staring at Veronica’s cornrows. Finally, she just blurts out “Can we talk about your hair?” I can’t yall…I’m done!

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